Most of the literature on leadership assumes that a leader’s effectiveness is the result of such things as personality factors, mastery of a particular set of competencies, charisma, better communication skills, role modeling certain behaviors, or implementing great strategies and techniques that promote organizational change. All of those factors can contribute to success, but they operate on a more superficial level. The Resilient Leadership model insists there is a much more fundamental basis at the root of effective leadership. And that is for a leader to focus on and work on his or her own differentiation, rather than being distracted by how others are functioning. A resilient leader’s primary attention is on how he or she is being, not on what others may be doing.

The notion of differentiation of self is based in Bowen Systems Theory. Differentiation of self involves maintaining a healthy life balance in key dimensions of one's functioning. One of the primary dimensions involved is how well we are balancing self-other forces; that is, how well we manage our attempts to be a separate self without cutting off from others, while, on the other hand, how well we stay connected to others without getting too close and becoming emotionally “fused” with them. Another balancing act that is involved in a person’s level of differentiation is the ability to integrate thinking and feeling responses. Someone who is consistently feeling-driven, with very little ability to think objectively, would be lower on the scale of differentiation than someone who may be in touch with his or her feelings, but still remains able to think through charged situations in a more objective fashion.

Differentiation describes our ability to claim a unique identity in the world and to be responsible for and manage our functioning, both internally and in external relationships. Differentiation of self is manifested in every dimension of life, from health (both physical and emotional) to success or failure in relationships, from career success and social standing to one’s ability to achieve life goals. As such, differentiation is an ongoing life process, not a level of psychological maturity or self-actualization that can be reached once and for all.