Among the telltale behaviors that a leader must pay attention to when watching for emotional process are two primal, instinctual forces: the drive to be a separate, independent self, and the drive to be in relationship with others. It is a universal law in nature that living beings are constantly balancing their need to be separate and their need for togetherness. Loss of a proper balance between those two forces is a root cause of the various diseases and dysfunctions that threaten healthy life. Both too much separateness and too much togetherness are destructive. Similarly, not enough space for self to flourish, or not enough closeness with others, results in damage to the organism. Achieving the right balance between these two primal forces—self-other, individuality and togetherness, autonomy and intimacy—is one of the fundamental challenges in the “dance of life” at every level of complexity.

The Resilient Leadership model teaches a leader to recognize the presence of emotional process by learning to watch how the self-other balance is being managed, both by individuals as well as by organizations. Watching how the balance is struck between self-other forces can reveal significant information; for example, the degree of anxiety that is present in an individual or organization.

Developing skills at “SEEING” in this new way takes time and patient perseverance. We are so easily caught up in our own subjectivity that the discipline of being an objective observer is cultivated only gradually. Over time, however, such careful observation will improve a leader’s ability to recognize recurring patterns and to interpret them correctly. This makes it easier for a leader to take appropriate action to keep the organization in better balance and therefore functioning in a healthier, more resilient manner.